Y’all remember that clip from Varsity Blues right? The one where the “hot” stripper teacher is teaching Sex Ed and tells her students to all chant:
“Penis, Penis, Penis, Vagina, Vagina, Vagina”
Well, I don’t believe in teaching kids to call body parts nicknames like ‘hoo ha’ or ‘pachingo’ or ‘nonny’ or ‘tallywhacker’ or ‘winkie’ or anything else along those lines. If you teach your kids different names for them, party on.
That’s just not my cup of tea.
So, my daughter knows what a vagina is and that girls have vaginas and boys have penises, as was obvious from this post.
Now, obviously my husband knows this fact of life. We do have two kids, you do the math 
But, it makes him super squeamish to hear his precious little Princess say those words out loud. Which I swear doesn’t make me giggle like a schoolgirl or anything, honest.
I’ll spare y’all all the lovely details but one day Princess had BBV (bubble bath vagina). For those of you who don’t know what that is, it’s when girls (big and little) take too many bubble baths and their inner lining gets irritated. It feels like you’re peeing fire.. well, we were out at dinner when she felt it.
If you live in Texas, I’m pretty sure you heard her screams.
Anyhoo… I explained to her what had happened and that some Tylenol and a cool water (no bubbles) bath would help once we got home… she was actually pretty good about it.
We left the restaurant and got in the car to go home, we’re on the highway Nathan’s driving and we hear this:
“Dad, my vagina burns when I tee tee”
He looks at me with this poor helpless mortified look on his face, I swear I wasn’t giggling inside at all.
“Mom, do boys penises burn like this if they take too many bubble baths?”
At least that’s what I heard. I’m pretty sure all Nathan heard was his precious litle daughter saying: “Vagina, Vagina, Vagina, Penis, Penis, Penis” Now, since she isn’t allowed to date until she’s 30, I’m pretty sure she isn’t allowed to actually have a vagina until then, too.
It continued: “Mom, does your vagina ever burn?”
Okay, I nearly choked on my Diet Coke and I swear if it wouldn’t have killed his family, Nathan would have jumped head first out of the car to get away from this conversation.
We got home safely and Nathan’s head didn’t explode. Princess got her cool water bath and Tylenol and all was well in our world.
So there you have it, the day the vagina nearly wrecked our car.
OMG. That is seriously funny. I am so glad your husband was able to control the car through such inner car turmoil…
I was planning to teach them the terms in Greek. Technically correct, AND non-embarrassing for me.
The oldest four are 19, 17, and 16 and 14…you don’t suppose it’s too late, do you?
(Came from Cleaver Nirvana…I HAD to see what this post was all about.)
June Cleaver Nirvana sent me. Your post title alone is priceless! Very funny post.
LOL! I don’t have the guts to teach my girls the proper words. For them everything in that vicinity is considered their bottom.
It’s basic anatomy. Our heads are on top, our bottoms are at the …. bottom.
we knew a little girl that called it a “kitty kitty”.
you can figure out what that was in place of…
xo ~K
Oh that’s hillarious! Aren’t they curious?
Just two days ago, my 4 year old (out of the blue) in the car said “Mom, where’s your pee hole?”
It led to a big conversation about how girls pee, why we don’t have a penis, why you can’t see our pee hole. Oh my.
Ha! What a riot! Your poor husband!
That’s it. No girls for me. And if I do? The word I will teach them is “BBQ grill.” I can handle “Mom, does your BBQ grill burn?” But that’s as far as I can go.
Okay, this may be TMI (since we are just meeting here), but I’ve always wanted to tell this story…I taught my son the proper words when he was small, too. One morning, while my husband and I were lying (naked) in bed (under the covers), 3-year-old Kyle walked in with his penis in his hand, just kind of standing there, and he says, “I don’t have a ‘gina.’ I have a penis. Only Mommy and Daddy have ‘ginas.’” It was then that we realized that he thought that a patch of hair was a vagina! Needless to say, we had to work really hard to supress our laughter. (Thanks for letting me get that off my chest!)
I think I want a follow-up post where you continue the list of possible euphemisms to teach children. I’m sure I wasn’t the only one disappointed that you stopped at five.
Do it!!
Featured on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle.
http://tinyurl.com/6mb75y
Good Job!