Because I apparently have a screw loose (shut up, Dad) I have been kicking my own butt with the 30 Day Shred and while I love it, HOLY FRICKIN’ HELL y’all! OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH, I actually almost fell down in the grocery store because my thighs nearly gave out on me.
Yesterday, Princess came in to do the Shred with me and while we were doing the “ass kicking’ (seriously, that’s what it’s called) part Princess says to me: “Come on mom, kick it, make that booty jiggle”
Crap.
It took every ounce of strength not to thunk her tight, toned, 5 year old self onto the floor.
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“Monkey, Do it like this” “No, stand here, spread your legs and push out like this”
me: WTH?!
Hearing those words, I went into stealth-mom-mode and made my way towards the bathroom. When I reached the bathroom, I slowly eased the door open and what I saw nearly knocked me on my butt, I was laughing so hard. There stood Monkey in his diaper teetering on a folded up towel with Princess standing next to him angling her hips towards the toilet. “I’m not sure how it works, Monkey, I just know that boys stand up and point towards the toilet, and girls sit down”
Seriously, y’all? I need my Flip on my Hip, because these two… they could win me that Bob Saget money.
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It’s a Shopping Spree!
Click for details…
To read the rulez of the giveaway, go here.
The short story: Leave a comment here (more than two words, please. Make an effort people) and then go visit my partners in crime Marinka, OhMommy and ScaryMommy and remember a comment a day could send those gift cards your way!!!
*comments close at midnight on each post
Your daughter is teaching your son how to pee standing up. I LOVE IT. That made my day (and sounds like you might need a step stool in your bathroom, babes!).
(BTW, YES, the fingernails WILL be blue in Nashville. That’s how you’ll know it’s me).
Sarah’s latest brilianceMake Up My Mind
When I saw your title I thought it was some kind of turn on a hip hop song!
traci’s latest brilianceThe Fire Is In My Pants.
Out of the mouths of babes…so funny!
Ronda’s Rants’s latest brilianceHappy Groundhog Day!
Very funny, indeed. I recall overhearing my husband scolding my son, who made some ‘boys are better’ comment. “Son, he said, you might as well get this straight now. There isn’t anything a boy can do that a girl can’t except ONE thing.” I paused to listen from the other room. “Pee standing up.”
Almost made me fall in love all over again. ha ha ha aha
MIT Mommy’s latest brilianceSticky Situation
That little Princess of yours is too funny! I think her and K would be partners in crime.
So I guess sign me up for this little shopping spree. If I totally pretend like I don’t want it, it won’t hurt as much when I don’t win
amy’s latest brilianceWho needs enemies with friends like these?
Ohhh Lord. I dread potty training my son. Seriously dread it. But at the rate he’s going, he’ll be in adult Depends before he’s ready to use a toilet.
Tiffany’s latest brilianceIt’s A……
babe! your kids are the funniest!! I wish Joshua would potty train Sophie for me. I wanna win this, you know me likey shoppy and have no money to do it with!!
Jenny from Mommin’ It Up!’s latest brilianceFive Bloggers Walk into a Banana Republic
Okay, your Princess wins the contest for today (I don’t know what the contest is, but she totally wins)!!!
And, do you love your Flip? I’ve added it to my “want” list for the next gift giving occasion!
Krystyn’s latest brilianceRewind to 2005
LMAO@come on mommie make the booty jiggle!!!! that is a classic line!
georgie’s latest brilianceBeans
Your daughter teaching your son to pee… priceless!
Joanie’s latest brilianceHappy (yeah right) Groundhog’s Day
Tee Hee…my son still thinks I “tinkle out my tushy!” We will see what fabulous commentary comes out when we potty train my daughter.
Ha! Hilarious. I need to look into the 30 Day Shred. Everyone seems to like it. Well, everyone hurts alot, so I’m thinking it works anyway.
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas’s latest brilianceWhat Was I Saying?
Ah, doesn’t it require a screw being in place to start with in order to have it be loose?
Hahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!! That is soooo freakin funny!!
Isnt it great having a little helper?
So have you seen results yet from the 30 day shred? Have you recieved your Wii fit yet? I guess Im looking for a miracle…if you find it will you let me know?!
Spoiled Mommy’s latest brilianceHappy 14th Birthday my Teenager
i’m jealous that your number one is potty training number two
I have a love/hate relationship with Jillian. She scares me.
Trenches of Mommyhood’s latest brilianceWhy Is It…?
OMG! That is too funny!
simply anonymom’s latest brilianceTwitter
where’s the movie camera at times like this??
What is it with little girls and the contstant feedback. Since I have an entourage every time I go into the bathroom, my two year old daughter is usually there to give me encouragement. When the tinkling stops she always says, “good job mommy.” It’s nice to feel validated…
Kate Coveny Hood’s latest brilianceRandom Guest Post from Chris Hood
Princess is way more patient than I would have been had I been the mother of a boy! She could teach. Maybe she could do her own potty training DVD.
Elise’s latest brilianceI Demand An Upgrade
That’s funny! That’s when it’s a bummer that it’s not entirely socially acceptable to have a camera filming in your bathroom.
I caught my 5 y/o peeing in the bushes STANDING UP next to the Twins. I only noticed because I hadn’t heard a peep out of any of the 5 kids running around outside so I peeked out the window only to see the sun glancing off her white butt with the boys standing next to her apparently giving her tips. At least she completely stripped before trying it.
Hopefully she teacher her baby sister to pee sitting down first.
AmyAnne’s latest brilianceOuttakes
What in the holy hell is the 30 Day Shred. It sounds like some form of torture for paper that has misbehaved!
LOL! That’s hilarious! I could see my Princess T doing that had she been the oldest!
that’s hilarious! also very cool that she’s helping encourage some potty-training… LOL
It’s hard for little boys to figure out the standing up thing when it involves either standing on tippytoes or standing on stool (at which point their sense of balance is all off and actually makes things worse than using tippy toes…lol) Connor’s first attempt at peeing standing up resulted in me having to scrub the wall behind the toile. ha ha!!
I love it! You are hilarious. Yeah working out and losing weight are a joy and pain. Hey just like giving birth!!
Michele’s latest brilianceThe Closer
That is seriously adorable. I keep hearing great things, though painful, about this 30 day shred. I guess I need to check it out.
Susan’s latest brilianceChicken Enchilada Dip (Go Steelers!)
See? I knew I shoulda given birth to a boy, if for no other reason than to have moments like that. My 5 year old daughter just tells her little sister not to poop on the floor, like she’s ever going to listen.
Andrea’s Sweet Life’s latest brilianceThe Meth Capital
Too cute!
Amy’s latest brilianceThe boots over Jeans Question
oh man that’s hilarious….LMAO
More comment/giveaway love honey!!
Qweenie’s latest briliancePhoto Hunt: Furry
That is so funny, you could have seriously won!
Bwhahahahahaha… That’s my girl.
Judith Shakespeare’s latest brilianceHe Has His Father’s Eyes…
Heh heh heh. My parents like to tell the story of me trying to pee standing up when I was a toddler, not understanding why pee was running down my leg. It worked for dad; why wouldn’t it work for me?
avonlea’s latest brilianceOn being tired, happy diapers, and no pants
What is “The Shred”….never heard of it. I must lead a sheltered life.
Coco
Coco’s latest brilianceMISC MADNESS, FUNNIES, FACTS
I just started doing the 30 Day Shred too! I’m am DYING right now at work. My calves hurt so much, I can barely walk. But hey, it must be working!
Could your daughter teach my husband how to hit the toilet? Because that would be great.
Little Potty for the wee one – $35
Potty Training Books – $50
Having older sibling show younger one “how it’s done” – PRICELESS!
My son taught my daughter how to pee standing up!! Oh so funny!!
Lisa’s latest brilianceAdventures With Chandler
That is super cute. I have a 7 year old girl and I am pregnant with a boy. I hope I have equally adorable events in my future!
well hello there!
what an awesome giveaway……who thought of it? which one of you girls?
i’m a big fan of scary mommy & ohmommy. both are hysterical and awesome……glad i found your blog as well via their posts about the giveaway! sign me up!
darci’s latest briliance4th photo
That is SO funny! Kids!!! But, do they wear their undies on their heads? NO? I didn’t think so. {hee hee hee}
{still thinking about doing the shred}
Allison Worthington {@fussypants}’s latest brilianceButtons for Worthington Wire
Hahaha! Thanks for the laugh. Maybe she’ll save you the trouble of potty training him!
Chelsea’s latest brilianceGetting Back to Homes
First, I’m literally laughing out loud – this cracks me up! I would have busted out laughing at those two as well. Haha!
Second, what is the shred??
Stephanie’s latest brilianceHe’s Totally Into Me
Hilarious! Imagine the fun you would have had explaining that your “thighs gave out” fron the grocery store floor. What a visual. And the pee-pee lesson?? Priceless.
PsychMamma’s latest brilianceSuccess
you and your 30-day shred are scaring me.
the planet of janet’s latest brilianceTogether Wii two
Just found your blog through OH Mommy…please enter me in this great giveaway!
Bernadette’s latest briliancethe boy, as a boy
Please OH Please…I need a mommy makeover!!!