Amy at Memories and Musings wrote a really wonderful post in response to what has to be the hardest Meme in history. Then she did the unthinkable, she tagged me for it. Me. Has this woman read my stuff? Does she know me? Serious is not my schtick. But I am unbelievably flattered that she thinks enough of me to tag me for this and wants my opinion. I
have been so busy was abducted am a big fat procrastinator and really didn’t quite know how to tackle this and follow in her and others’ eloquent blogsteps. I’m still a relatively new mom and still wading my way through this insane thing called parenthood.
I am forewarning you all now. This is a controversial topic: To Spank or not To Spank.
I have seen some pretty brutal things said to others online as a result of this topic.
I am not an expert. I am a mom. I am human. I am trying my best to be the best that I can.
What follows is my current standing and opinion and belief on discipline, what I believe/feel/apply may be different tomorrow as a result of something I read, see, experience. This is life.
All of the following is what I have tried and/or experienced with the now 4 year old. Monkey is 1 and discipline only involves removing him from the situation and telling him No. That’s it. Let’s be clear on that one now.
“Spare The Rod, Spoil The Child” You’ve heard it, we’ve all heard it. Seriously, one of the biggest debates in parenting history.
I have read one, Yes ONE parenting book from cover to cover. Making Children Mind without Losing Yours by Dr. Kevin Leman. Why you ask? Because most of them I found to be obnoxious patronizing drivel. But that’s just me. This one, common sense, straightforward, real world, actual parent advice. I adore this book.
He is all about reality discipline: Key word there reality the words he pays attention to: obey, authority and loving discipline.. how can you go wrong? He also focuses on the fact that what works for one, does not work for all.
I am not going to cite his book. I am going to be concise.
I do not like spanking. I have been known to spank on occasion. For example.. when the 4 year old thought it would be neat to hang the 1 year old over the side of her bed by his leg and drop him on his head. Yes, she got a spanking and a loooooong talking to.
I try to use every opportunity as a teaching moment, I try to keep my calm, I try to never act out of anger, but let us be real here.. I am human. I lose my temper, I do things I regret. I try to employ the minute per year timeout method. (1 minute in time out for every year of their age) Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. If she misbehaves and gets 3 warnings, after the 3rd warning we’re done. We leave whatever activity we’re at, she loses whatever privilege we are currently enjoying etc… I have left full carts of groceries in the middle of the store because she’s pitchin’ a hissy (yes, I tell someone that we’ve left and where the cart is), I have left restaurants and sat in the car with her in silence, her in tears, while everyone else finishes their meal. After every discipline, be it timeout, spanking, leaving an activity, losing a toy as punishment.. whatever, we talk. I sit her down and talk about why: what she did that deserved discipline, why that discipline was chosen, what is wrong, consequences, actions… you get the idea. I do not like to spank her, nor does my husband. It is rare that she gets a spanking but I truly believe that sometimes that is all that is sufficient or point making enough.
Usually there is just talking, a lot of talking. Expressing our emotions, feelings beliefs and philosophies, on both sides, ours and hers.
I hope some of this makes sense. I have learned a lot from reading other moms’ opinions and points, I do read parenting books, but usually I skim them because they just don’t grab me. This one, it’s amazing. I was struck by it and I felt a connection when I read it. It helps me and grounds me. I may need a new copy because mine is so highlighted and dog eared.
I am going to tag a few people whose opinions I am truly interested in because I respect them, there are many more I respect so don’t feel slighted if you aren’t chosen.
just take a deep sigh of relief understand I couldn’t tag everyone. If you are tagged feel free not to do it, I will understand:
I truly, wholeheartedly and sincerely hope that you take the time to visit the other moms who have accepted this challenge. You may read something that touches you, angers you, disgusts you or that you agree with… but as parents we owe ourselves and our children nothing less than our best. How can you go wrong by researching, listening and learning?
This is the hardest post that I have written. I offer a different opinion then those who have come before me. Do me a favor, leave me a comment. If you agree with any of what I say, support me. If you disagree, I want to know what you do that works better. Here are the opinions of those who have written on this subject before me.
Miche does not spare the rod.
Jo-N wants to be her children’s best friend.
Tot’s Mom spares the rod and believes in patience.
Huckdoll spares the rod and believes there are more effective yet gentle ways to discipline than spanking.
OhMommy has spanked and never will again.
Amy spanks when necessary.
Rachel doesn’t like spanking, but believes in Reality Discipline.
Oh yes.. here are the rules (and we all know I don’t do rules)
1. Go to your blog.
2. Post about the topic.
3. Give me the hot, hard, and heavy linky love
4. Copy the last paragraph above and add your name and discipline style.
5. Post that paragraph onto your blog, including links. (Yeah, you will want to sharpen a pencil and stab it in your eye at this point. But, isn’t that half the fun.)
6. Go to the
five, four, zero five people you have tagged and leave them a comment to know they are now, it.
7. Sit back and let the comments roll in.