Family | Monkey | Parenting

The Manic Mom Dash: Or Naked in Target

So we’ve had the Squat and Wiggle and The Flip, Strip and Roll, today for your toilet related amusement, I bring you… The Manic Mom Dash. Let me set the scene for you.
One mom. One four year old Princess. One Eighteen Month Old Monkey and One Swim Diaper. Yes, I did it. I made the uber blunder of all diaper parenting blunders. I insanely assumed that a swim diaper would hold up for 45 minutes. We hit the Once Upon a Child parking lot and as I released Monkey from his car seat, his lower extremities released something from his body. I only had a swim diaper at my disposal and I stupidly naively assumed it would hold for 20 minutes or so, while I shopped, um yeah… we know all about ‘assuming’ so just hush.
About 15 minutes in, Princess comes up and taps me on the back: “Mom, Monkey’s wet”
Me: “Oh”
Her: ” Really, really wet mom”
I dash run casually stroll over to their play area, and see nothing unusual, until he turns around. Looks like he sat in a puddle. I leave him there and quickly pay for my items, grab the bathroom key and take him to the restroom. There we have a face off while I ponder the options before me. Finally, I decide upon a plan, strip off the clothes, shoes and swim diaper. I put him in new clothes, sans diaper and we literally run out of the store, through the parking lot and to the car. Why you ask? Because my son is sitting in shorts without a diaper.
We make serious tracks to the nearest Target, I throw the car into park, yank the kids out and run through the parking lot into the store. I toss Monkey into the cart and book it at Manic Mom speed to the diaper section. I spot my ‘target’, rip the package open, strip Monkey down and lay him on the floor. Praying all the while to be spared the ‘golden fountain’ that all moms of boys are too familiar with. I diaper him at speeds that would have any ‘pig rassler’ giving me props, and then put the shorts back on him. Finally, I breathe. Then I look behind me. There are 2 bewildered Target employees, 1 stunned old lady, 2 bemused moms and 1 totally lost teenager staring at me and my kids.
I have two choices. Own it with pride or duck in shame.
I owned it.
“Yep, I did it” I told them “I bargained with the potty devil and lost, I diapered him in a swimmer and learned my soaking wet lesson.” One mom snickered, One mom gasped in horror, 2 Target employees reminded me to pay for the diapers and the old lady and teenager just stood with their mouths gaping open.

I did it. I did the Manic Mom Dash, gambled with the potty devil and came out even.
So, what did you do today?

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48 Comments

  1. I would’ve done what the snickering mom did. Seriously? Why do people freak at diaper changings?

  2. I love this! Probably because I can totally see someone doing this!

    Um…where was Princess while you were dashing to diaper Monkey? You didn’t actually say if she left the play area with you…. πŸ™‚

  3. Oh my. Were you at MY Target? I could have sworn I saw the same thing going on.

    LOL. That is awesome!

  4. @anglophileFF: I don’t know, but it’s ridiculous
    @thesportsmama She was waiting patiently until I was done to remind me that I had promised her an ICEE.
    @ohmommy: If I was, you are in deep trouble for not coming and saying hello.
    @jenni: no actual puddle, just soaked shorts, slimy legs and damp shoes πŸ™‚ I would have cleaned up any mess at the store πŸ˜‰ LOL.

  5. I watched my 8 month old and 18 month old great-nieces (I’m only 33, but I’ve been an aunt since I was 5)

    My thought?

    DUDE. I HAVE FORGOTTEN HOW FREAKING EXHAUSTING TODDLERS AND BABIES ARE.

    (Thank heavens they are cute. I think it saves everyone involved.)

  6. oh I totally would have done the same thing. maybe I have and I can’t remember. I wouldn’t have been shocked at all to see you in Target doing that – I might have joined you. πŸ™‚

  7. Oh My word! That is hilarious! I can’t beleive people freaked out about that? I would have laughed, and given you a sympathetic smile – ’cause really, we’ve all had those “oh crap” mom moments!

  8. You my friend are a mommy superstar. I have done the swim diaper thing ONCE. Ya, not a pretty thing. They really should have warnings on the swim diaper package that “although it is called a ‘diaper’ it is not one.”

    I would have paid big money to run into you at Target in the middle of that…

  9. Awesome! Sounds exactly like something I would do.

    I’ve done floors, tables, counters, every seat of my car, and a few times I had to do it in the trunk of my car. And the speed necessary for boys is uncanny!

  10. Nice…I had to rush out of Tuesday Mornings because my eldest left a dripping mess in the cart as I was shopping. Never went into that particular location again.

  11. oh that is just hilarious! i totally started laughing out loud here at work!

    isn’t it funny how some people react to situations like that? i have had people snicker at me when i would change my daughter in the trunk of my suv! geesh!

  12. Ewwww…just though of all the times I have gone swimming with lots of babies and their swim ‘diapers’.

  13. That would have been a sight to see…I would have congratulated you on a job well done! Too funny!
    Hey, I’ve tagged you..if you feel like playing.

  14. Oh I learned my lesson too with swim diapers. I once put my toddler to bed in one of those. An hour later everything was soaked.

    Thats what Targets are there for helping us Mommies in our time of need. Its a community service

  15. OH SO Funny!

    Good job with all the quick Mom moves and thinking! I was waiting for your son running naked through Target. Alas, not today. Some other day, perhaps?

  16. This had me cracking up! You earn the bravest-mom award for that little trick. I love that the”Target employees reminded [you] to pay for the diapers”. Ha! I am seriously laughing out loud at the whole scene, and I needed a laugh today, so thank you.

  17. Hhhhmmmm? What did I do today? I laughed really hard when I read this story- that’s what I did.

  18. You are so funny! I was literally laughing out loud as I read the post.

    I’m not sure I would have the guts to do it, but I would have liked to see it!

  19. I remember doing something like that with one of my older children (I don’t remember which one, I just know it wasn’t the youngest of the 4.) The baby was a newborn, and I was out of diapers. I turned her/ him sideways in the seat of the basket with blankets piled under for cushion and protection from bacteria, and changed him/ her right there in the diaper isle of Walmart. And paid for the package after I opened it, of course. (I guess that’s not such an unusual thing to see at Walmart, but anyway.) Loved your story, thanks for sharing.

  20. NICE!!! As far as I’m concerned you won, because if he would’ve pooped with just shorts on, it would’ve been ugly.

  21. Well, screw all those fuddy-duddies. Had I been there to witness, I would have been giving you a round of applause! Yeah for quick thinking! Well done!
    And it does make for a fabulous bloggy story!

  22. I came here, following the link on Jennifer’s blog.

    How funny! I have made that same mistake ONCE! Luckily, we were at home.

    Love your blog!

  23. You are hillarious. You changed his diaper right in the middle of the aisle at Target??? You know he will do something horrific to you as a teenager to get you back for that one, don’t you πŸ™‚

    Great story. Thanks for making me smile πŸ™‚

  24. Hey, you know what? We do what we have to do. There are a lot worse things that could happen to your Monkey than to have his bare booty on the floor of Target. πŸ˜‰

  25. This the first time I have visited your blog as I’m passing through from the Great Blog Hunt and I so loved reading your story about the diaper episode at target. Thanks for making me smile. I’m going to put your blog into my google reader. I so need some laughter in my life. Thanks.

  26. Going commando at 18 months? Are you into extreme sports by the way? Because it seems you like to live on the edge. You had me rooting for you the whole way.

  27. Pingback: The Diaper Fail Diaries | Aiming Low

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