Monkey | Princess

Why I Need My Flip on My Hip

Because I apparently have a screw loose (shut up, Dad) I have been kicking my own butt with the 30 Day Shred and while I love it, HOLY FRICKIN’ HELL y’all! OUCH OUCH OUCH OUCH, I actually almost fell down in the grocery store because my thighs nearly gave out on me.
Yesterday, Princess came in to do the Shred with me and while we were doing the “ass kicking’ (seriously, that’s what it’s called) part Princess says to me: “Come on mom, kick it, make that booty jiggle”
Crap.
It took every ounce of strength not to thunk her tight, toned, 5 year old self onto the floor.

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“Monkey, Do it like this” “No, stand here, spread your legs and push out like this”
me: WTH?!


Hearing those words, I went into stealth-mom-mode and made my way towards the bathroom. When I reached the bathroom, I slowly eased the door open and what I saw nearly knocked me on my butt, I was laughing so hard. There stood Monkey in his diaper teetering on a folded up towel with Princess standing next to him angling her hips towards the toilet.  “I’m not sure how it works, Monkey, I just know that boys stand up and point towards the toilet, and girls sit down”

Seriously, y’all? I need my Flip on my Hip, because these two… they could win me that Bob Saget money.
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It’s a Shopping Spree!
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To read the rulez of the giveaway, go here.
The short story: Leave a comment here (more than two words, please. Make an effort people) and then go visit my partners in crime Marinka, OhMommy and ScaryMommy and remember a comment a day could send those gift cards your way!!!

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47 Comments

  1. Your daughter is teaching your son how to pee standing up. I LOVE IT. That made my day (and sounds like you might need a step stool in your bathroom, babes!).

    (BTW, YES, the fingernails WILL be blue in Nashville. That’s how you’ll know it’s me).

    Sarah’s latest brilianceMake Up My Mind

  2. When I saw your title I thought it was some kind of turn on a hip hop song!

    traci’s latest brilianceThe Fire Is In My Pants.

  3. Very funny, indeed. I recall overhearing my husband scolding my son, who made some ‘boys are better’ comment. “Son, he said, you might as well get this straight now. There isn’t anything a boy can do that a girl can’t except ONE thing.” I paused to listen from the other room. “Pee standing up.”

    Almost made me fall in love all over again. ha ha ha aha

    MIT Mommy’s latest brilianceSticky Situation

  4. babe! your kids are the funniest!! I wish Joshua would potty train Sophie for me. I wanna win this, you know me likey shoppy and have no money to do it with!!

    Jenny from Mommin’ It Up!’s latest brilianceFive Bloggers Walk into a Banana Republic

  5. Okay, your Princess wins the contest for today (I don’t know what the contest is, but she totally wins)!!!

    And, do you love your Flip? I’ve added it to my “want” list for the next gift giving occasion!

    Krystyn’s latest brilianceRewind to 2005

  6. Tee Hee…my son still thinks I “tinkle out my tushy!” We will see what fabulous commentary comes out when we potty train my daughter.

  7. What is it with little girls and the contstant feedback. Since I have an entourage every time I go into the bathroom, my two year old daughter is usually there to give me encouragement. When the tinkling stops she always says, “good job mommy.” It’s nice to feel validated…

    Kate Coveny Hood’s latest brilianceRandom Guest Post from Chris Hood

  8. That’s funny! That’s when it’s a bummer that it’s not entirely socially acceptable to have a camera filming in your bathroom.

    I caught my 5 y/o peeing in the bushes STANDING UP next to the Twins. I only noticed because I hadn’t heard a peep out of any of the 5 kids running around outside so I peeked out the window only to see the sun glancing off her white butt with the boys standing next to her apparently giving her tips. At least she completely stripped before trying it.

    Hopefully she teacher her baby sister to pee sitting down first.

    AmyAnne’s latest brilianceOuttakes

  9. What in the holy hell is the 30 Day Shred. It sounds like some form of torture for paper that has misbehaved!

  10. that’s hilarious! also very cool that she’s helping encourage some potty-training… LOL

    It’s hard for little boys to figure out the standing up thing when it involves either standing on tippytoes or standing on stool (at which point their sense of balance is all off and actually makes things worse than using tippy toes…lol) Connor’s first attempt at peeing standing up resulted in me having to scrub the wall behind the toile. ha ha!!

  11. See? I knew I shoulda given birth to a boy, if for no other reason than to have moments like that. My 5 year old daughter just tells her little sister not to poop on the floor, like she’s ever going to listen.

    Andrea’s Sweet Life’s latest brilianceThe Meth Capital

  12. Little Potty for the wee one – $35
    Potty Training Books – $50
    Having older sibling show younger one “how it’s done” – PRICELESS!

  13. well hello there! 🙂 what an awesome giveaway……who thought of it? which one of you girls?

    i’m a big fan of scary mommy & ohmommy. both are hysterical and awesome……glad i found your blog as well via their posts about the giveaway! sign me up!

    darci’s latest briliance4th photo

  14. {still thinking about doing the shred}

    Allison Worthington {@fussypants}’s latest brilianceButtons for Worthington Wire

  15. Hilarious! Imagine the fun you would have had explaining that your “thighs gave out” fron the grocery store floor. What a visual. And the pee-pee lesson?? Priceless.

    PsychMamma’s latest brilianceSuccess

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