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A Letter From A Daughter to Her Mother

A letter to my mom, because now is what matters.

Dear Mom,

When you were first diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer I researched everyday for nearly a month on what will happen. What new drugs were out, what was the course for treatment, what is the life expectancy, etc. I wanted to know all of it. I read stories upon stories of other women diagnosed with Stage 4 breast cancer. I needed to know what to expect. I needed just needed to know. As you know it is just my nature to read, read, read and then process the information.

Now? Now I can’t look at another article or read another story. I know that sounds horrible, but the truth of it all is that I cannot read anymore because there are no happy ending. And that just sucks.

There are no words to describe how I feel watching you get sick, again.
I am mad.
So freaking mad.
Mad that your puffy head doctor just looked at me with a blank face when I asked HOW does this happen to a women that was robbed of her breasts a year ago from this disease?
Mad that the same puffy head doctor seems to say “I don’t know” an awful lot.
I know you trust Dr. puffy head, but in all reality, I was never going to be all “high-five” to any doctor you had because in my head “HOW did this happen, again? HOW did they miss it?”

On top of being so mad, I have to say that I am mostly heart broken. You may drive me absolutely insane because our personalities are so polar opposite sometimes, but it does not change the fact that I need you here. Everyday. I want to annoy you every single day with my billion phone calls about nothing. I want to annoy you by pulling stupid pranks on you just to hear you yell and then sit back and laugh together.

I don’t know life without you.
And I don’t want to, ever.
And I know how unrealistic this is of me.
I may be a 37 but I still need my “Mommy”.

I want you to know that I love you.
I love your spirit.
Your balls to the wall attitude.
I don’t look at this as a death sentence anymore, because you showed me that life is now.
Now is what matters.

It is a funny thing, life. I spent so many years challenging you, and pushing for my independence and freedom and I watch life come full circle now that I have two boys of my own who you know first hand challenge me on everything. But the one thing remains a constant, you and your love for us. Somehow you knew that no matter how batty we drove you, we would somehow find our way back, to you.

So you may have this stupid disease, and I may say it is robbing your health, or even the other day I said it is robbing me of you. But the one thing I realized while thinking about what I was going to write for October’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month was that it will never ever rob me of you. It can’t. I won’t allow it. You live in me. Your love is in every ounce of who I am. I won’t let it take away the amazing memories.

I think of you every single time I hear Tim McGraw’s song “Live like you were dying”.. because you have showed me that no matter what, you have now.

I love you Mom.

Your daughter,

Kimberly Lyn

mommyandme

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To all of Rachel’s readers, I decided to write a letter to my mom for my Breast Cancer Awareness Post because I live with the awareness everyday that Breast Cancer is an evil disease that doesn’t care whom it affects.  It is affecting Mothers, Daughters, Aunts, Sisters and Friends.  I do as much as I can to support  Breast Cancer research so that we can find a cure so that none of us ever have to watch a loved one suffer from this disease.  I truly pray for a miracle that somehow a cure is found Now.  Because if you knew my Mom you would know that world is a better place with her here.

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Kim’s mom wrote yesterday’s post:

You can help us to support the search for the cure by donating now. $1, $5, $10, $100 every. dollar. counts.

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Please donate for them, for you, for every woman you’ve ever known:

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12 Comments

  1. Kim, I am so very sorry your mother is facing this horrible disease again, but she is incredibly lucky to have you and your family with her, supporting her and fighting along side her. Living in the now, today, is a lesson we all need to learn. Thank you so much for sharing your sorrow, and your love of life.
    .-= Tara R.´s last blog ..What to do, what to do? =-.

  2. What a beautiful letter. Thank you for sharing.
    .-= Hockeymandad´s last blog ..Local Music Spotlight =-.

  3. Wow! I really admire you and your mothers attitudes and frankness. I am so sorry you both have to go through such a disgusting disease. You both will be in my thoughts and prayers.

  4. What a breath taking letter, so heart felt it brought tears to my eyes. What strength you have to share this story with us. I can’t donate money but I click daily on the site that allows you to click to give daily to breast cancer, I feel it’s all I can do and I think every little bit we can do helps 🙂 Sending big hugs!
    .-= Brandy´s last blog ..Not So Scary Halloween Giveaway =-.

  5. Kim, I could have written your letter 10 years ago to my mom. She didn’t have breast cancer; she had kidney cancer. She had it for 2-1/2 years before dying 10 years ago. I didn’t yet have children. I, too, am 37 now. There are so many times I would like to pick up the phone and call her. I wish I could share my children with her. But I can’t. And I didn’t write a letter. You did. It’s wonderful that you are sharing that with your mom. Enjoy every moment you have with her. Also know and support that she will be ready for her battle to end long before you are. And that’s OK. (I am not saying that as a comment about supporting assisted death. It’s a comment of not putting an implied obligation on your mom for her to hold on longer when she is being called Home.) Never forget her love for you and yours for her.
    .-= Chick Hatchers´s last blog ..Watch this! =-.

  6. What a wonderful letter! I don’t think it matters how old we are…we always need our Mommy!! My Mom is 62 and my Grandmother died 16 years ago and my Mom said she still wants to call her every day to tell her something. Such a strange and wonderful relationship between mothers and daughters!!
    .-= Michele McGraw´s last blog ..How do you PINK? =-.

  7. Huge love to you, Kim, and your mom and the rest of the family.
    .-= Zoeyjane´s last blog ..On mirrors =-.

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