Monkey Tongue

No, I’m not talking recipes either.

I’m talking Monkey, as in my 2 year old. The climbing, running, hyper-never-stops-moving-has-to-be-kept-in-crib-by-a-crib-tent kind of Monkey.

Yesterday while I was cleaning house I heard a thud.
Followed by a scream
Followed by a louder, much louder, blood curdling, bone chilling holycrapi’mreallyhurt kind of heart stopping scream.

I dropped the Dyson on the floor and ran towards the back of the house.
I was met in the hallway by a sight that stopped my heart and sent chills up and down my spine.
The 2 year old Monkey.
Covered in blood with more blood pouring from his mouth.
(This did not help the stopped heart any, thankyouverymuch)
I scooped him up, and we ran into my bathroom.

I see blood on the counter and a razor.
A Gilette Power Fusion razor. side note. best razor evah..

I start washing Monkey with water and he opens his mouth, to scream some more.


I see the source of the blood.

shut your eyes if you’re squeamish

Yep, he took a hunk out of his tongue. The pediatrician said popsicles and nothing salty.

He is handling it really well.
After it quit gushing blood, that is.

Twisted little Monkey that he is, he actually had some fun with it last night at Princess’ cheer practice.
He kept sticking his tongue out, it is rather gruesome looking, and grossing out the girls, captivating the little boys and giving all the moms there the thankgodit’snotmykid chills.

I’m getting a bit tired of gushing bloody wounds around this house, seriously. Are we done yet?

So, has your kid ever tried to shave their tongue?


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  1. I just threw up a little bit of banana – thanks Rach. (I did a puke-inducing post today too! Must be Puke Day in Blog Land!)

    Ewww. That must have really hurt, and I can only imagine the blood!

    I sure hope you’re done with bloody wounds for a while!

  2. I hope you’re done, too!

    Mine never shaved their tongues, but they always managed to bite them severely, it’s a scary scary thing. Tongues bleed WAY too much, IMO! LOL!

    It will heal, but for something that big, he’ll probably have a scar. Good story for him later, though!

  3. Oh lordie. I’m just speechless.

    Note to self – go home and put away all razors I’ve left in the shower. He will find a way to reach them.

  4. While none of my 3 boys ever licked a razor I did have a heart stopping moment when my youngest was 16 months old and still a beginning walker, he had pulled himself up on a child size table and then started pushing it across the carpet next thing I know he’s under it, table upside down on top of him and he’s screaming… I thought it was just a bump I picked him up held him to me but his cries got worse. I pulled him away from my shoulder to see what was wrong and there was a pool of blood in his mouth and I couldn’t see his 2 front teeth on top. I FA-REAKED! The heart stopped. A trip to the ER and he had the best kind of tooth injury to have. They went back up sideways, the 2nd best kind of tooth injury is if they had gone straight up the chances of damage to his permanents would have been much much higher and more likely Then there is the worst kind, the one that I thought had happened is if the teeth got knocked out completely or cracked off at the gum line. HE was lucky but it scarred me.I never took any pictures either.I felt like it was my fault even though I was sitting right next to him and I know there was nothing I could have done to prevent it.I cringed when he smiled at me, showing me his toothless grin. I still freak at any mouth related injuries, especially if blood is involved. It delayed his speech too.

    Now that I have left a post in your comments, I do hope that you have no more bloody wounds. I hope he heals super fast!! HUGS TO YOU!!!

  5. My toes are curled up in the fetal postion and my tongue has shriveled up in the back of my throat.

    That looks awful! cringeworthy.

    But it sounds like he’s handling it like a little champ!

    My razors will now be moved up a little higher…

  6. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek.

    that is totally cringeworthy … and i’m cringing.

    poor monkey.

    but … um … what possessed him to shave his tongue?????

  7. At least Daddy didn’t come home, find blood all over the house, no family in sight and wonder whether to call the hospital or the police first….sound familiar?

  8. Holy cow! I would have lost my lunch! Here’s hoping for no more blood and that your little Monkey’s tongue heals quickly!

  9. @Gandapa Monkey
    ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Hi Dad. Nope, Doesn’t sound familiar at all. Yep. That’s a good thing. 🙂 Hee Hee Hee.
    Love you.

  10. Poor baby! My nephew got into a razor once, but that only amounted to the equivalent of a paper cut on his lip. As a medical professional, I can honestly say . . .

    Ewwww, that’s yucky!

  11. ack!!!!

    My friend’s little girl was sucking on a razor like a lollipop, but thankfully, the safety cap was on

    The looks seriously painful, poor too-curious-for-his-own-good little fella!

  12. YIKES! that made me squirm, I’m seriously re- considering the chips I packed with my sandwich today.
    Poor Monkey!

  13. Ouch.



    Oh honey, I am so sorry about your little mischievous toddler. When Lola was that age she burned her entire palm and was rushed to the burn unit. It was so scary. This age is so scary cause they are always getting into things.

    You need a weekend off. Tell your husband I told him that. 😉

  14. Oh my!!
    That picture sure is something…yikes!
    Ughh-mouth bleeds are HORRIBLE!

    Never had a cut on the tongue but the lil princess cut her little fingers from rubbing the razor sideways!!

    Glad he seems to be hanging in there!

  15. ouch, ouch, OUCH! All the hair on the back of my neck is standing up. I hope he is feeling better and that his tongue heals quickly.

  16. That was just as disturbing the 2nd time I saw it. At least he's a normal boy & showed it off to the squeamish girls and to gain cred with the boys. That means he's feeling better. I can only imagine though. I would flip out.

  17. I had to cross my legs when I saw it. Sheesh, OMG it’s horrible. Poor thing, good grief.

    I hope he’s doing better.

  18. Oh my God!

    I couldn’t even barely look!

    I would have passed out. Right there. On the floor.

    PS. So jealous of your dyson.

  19. Ok. I get quesy really easy and that picture almost took me out. I did not see it coming…. I hope he is ok now! You are a strong mom!

  20. So – I saw it on plurk, but it’s so much more horrifying to read the story. Who would have thought you have to tell kids “Don’t lick razor blades?” I mean – really. You gotta love how kids are all “Well – you didn’t tell me NOT to do it so I did it.”

    Ugh – and head wounds bleed SO much!

  21. Okay.. YOU NEED A WARNING ON THIS.. I nearly jumped out of bed.. poor little man.. I hope he is okay.. you sure do need a break from messes.. But I have to say that my little guy..who is 16 months.. sounds A LOT like Monkey.. oh boy am i in trouble..

  22. I TOTALLY looked over at my 18 month old one day and found him about to stick Daddy’s razor that had been left on the sink into his mouth. Luckily I grabbed it, but holy cow – poor Monkey!!!

  23. Wow, he did a nice job on that tongue. That’s something mine have never done, although they did plenty of other fun things.

  24. OMG! That’s so terrible! My heart stopped, too while reading it. Poor little Monkey.

    I’m glad you’re such a dedicated blogger that you’ll take that great picture to share! (I would have,too!)

    Hopefully he’ll decide to wait until he has facial hair to try shaving again!

  25. Owwwwwwwwie!!!!!!

    Yikes. Poor Monkey…and mommy. How terrifying that must have been.

    Glad to hear he’s taking it in stride. Hope it heels quick!

  26. OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!

    Poor baby–and the tongue has so much blood; did you pass out? I think I would have.

    You deserve a night out this weekend–hope you get it!

  27. Oh My – that looks so painful! Poor baby. I hope he’s enjoying all the ice cream!

    Have a good weekend – Kellan

  28. Oh my God, Rachel! That would completely freak me out! Whatever possessed him to SHAVE his tongue? I’d love to know what goes through their little minds.

  29. I’m still squeezing the bottom half of my face with my hand. Yeah, I do weird things when I get freaked out. But the real take-home here? Monkey is a blog champ. He probably thought “blog post!” before you did.

  30. Holy Cow!
    Worst I ever had was when Scooter bit right through her lower lip….yuck. Time to lock up the razor…or maybe he learned his lesson???
    Pax, E

  31. Oh yeah, and Tilly used to put her tiny little fingers into the pencil sharpener and turn it…did it more than once, btw… 🙁
    Peace, E

  32. My daughter did her fingertips when she was 2ish. With a shick intuition. In the bathtub. I closed the curtain to go pee, and when I opened the curtain all I see is her, bubbles, and blood. And she was entranced by it- she didn’t cut deep enough to even cause pain- just deep enough to cause blood, and LOTS of it. I thought I was going to die.

    She’s almost 8 now, and wondering when she gets to start shaving her legs. I told her she could as soon as they make a razor that couldn’t cut a fly’s arse, let alone HER.

    aren’t children wonderful???

    mrsfinn’s latest brilianceIn the Beginning…

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