Scary Mommy and The Pants Dilemma

I am honored to be here, in the wonderful land of Monkeys and Princesses. I love visiting Rachel for her delicious recipes, sweet stories and loving tributes to her family. While I adore my children to death too, I tend to be slightly more Scary Mommy (at least that’s what they tell me.) Thank you, my sweet bloggy friend, for letting me invade your fairytale for the day…

One of my favorite things to do is to sneak into my kids’ classrooms and secretly watch them. It’s so fun to see them operating on their own, without each other or their father and I, and the teachers have gotten used to just ignoring me altogether. Last week I happily watched my son sing a medley of songs and do the “Hokey Pokey” for twenty minutes while hiding in a corner. I watced my daughter play house, do art projects and boss around her classmates. It allows me to see a whole new side of them and I love it.

There is one scene, however, that I don’t love to see. At all. It inevitably happens at least once a week and leaves me laughing and cringing at once. It’s embarrassing and pathetic. It’s the view of my daughter’s butt crack. And it ain’t pretty.

Last month I approached her while playing in the sandbox, totally oblivious that she was mooning everybody in sight. And it was a full moon. Unless she is wearing elastic waisted pants, the poor kid absolutely can not hold her pants up. This is not a fashion statement I’d like my daughter to be known for. Her teacher actually pulled me aside several months ago and asked me to buy her a belt– apparently they don’t appreciate the view at school either. I obliged and tried belts, smaller sized pants, larger sized pants, pants that promise not to fall… It’s hopeless, the girls simply cannot keep them up.

I’m thankful that summer is finally here and she can once again exclusively wear dresses. I will retire the adorable jeans, cords and cargo pants until the fall, when we will try once again.

In the meantime, I do have a sink that needs professional plumbing, should I miss that lovely view..


She may call herself Scary Mommy but, I am honored to call her friend.   Jill makes me laugh and frequently choke on my morning Diet Dr. Pepper while I try to keep it down so the kids don’t wake up.  If you haven’t discovered Jill yet, then you need to hop over there and read her. She writes wonderfully and straight from the heart, she’s open, honest and witty as hell.

Jill, thank you for gracing the Fairytale land with your presence, and I appreciate you taking the trash out with you! It looks so nice and clean! Thanks!!!

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  1. Ha Ha! I don’t know what it is about little girls pants, but my daughters butt crack has been showing for years and just when I find a pair that will fit…she out grows them. Perhaps one day she’ll fit into one size! 🙂

  2. Oh that is so funny! Poor thing! My daughter is just a baby, and has recently transitioned from pj’s all day to actual pants and tee-shirts….and you know, she has crack too. I don’t think there’s a thing I can do about it. Skirts and dresses aren’t an option yet, for this crawler monkey of mine.

    Great post Jill – made me cringe and then laugh – totally you! hehe!
    .-= christy´s last blog ..A Foo Update =-.

  3. I’m with ya, Scary Mommy! My 7 year old has the same problem! Doesn’t matter what I put the child in pant-wise, she’s always imitating a plumber! I finally just started buying her big t-shirts that she would wear untucked. It solved the problem!

  4. Yeah – Scary Mommy! Love her bog!

    Totally funny. Good thing your daughter is not too self conscious about it! And thanks for not posting any photos! I’m thinking some long shirts are in order!

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