Search Me, and Yes, I am the worst mom ever.

I love reading other’s Google Searches. In fact just now on Plurk, the superb BurghBaby just found out that she was linked to from a search for Michael Phelps’ Buttcrack.
Well, praise the lord and pass the ammunition. Alrighty then.
So I broke down and went to my Analytics page and took a peek. I then proceeded to snort Miller Lite through my nose.
Really, this is how you’re finding me? Please, oh please leave a comment. Oh mah holy hell y’all Google some great stuff.

1. Aggie Pickles. Exactly what is an Aggie Pickle? When I’m in Aggieland I eat my fried pickles at Wings’n’More. Yum. Let me know when you find that Aggie Pickle, K?

2. Wrecked Vagina. I have no words. You have my sympathy.

3. Vagina Car. Um…

4. Dressed Beer. Pardon me while I assume teacher/bartender mode: A dressed beer: The neck is rolled in salt prior to opening and then a lime slice is placed gently in the mouth of the beer before handing it to the patron.

5. Pencil Eraser Nipples: If you have ever breastfed, I need not say more. If you have not… Your nipples resemble those kindergarten pencil erasers after your life sucker precious angel gets done gnawing nursing.

6. Canadian Geese Attack: Are Canadian Geese especially violent? We know that Texas Geese attack, don’t we.

This concludes the first ever edition of Search Me. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did.

Now, let’s move on to why I am officially in the running for worst mom ever.

For the last few days Monkey has been walking around the house, touching his ear and saying, “ear”. I thought he was showing off.
I would respond in all my shining brilliance with: “Yes Honey, that is your ear. Good Job”
Strike me down now.
This continued for 3 days.
Bright mom that I am I began to get concerned, especially when I started to remember that he has been covering his ears and wincing whenever something was loud.
Fast Forward to 3:00 PM today.
The pediatrician looks at his ears, looks at me, looks in his ears, looks at me.
Raises his eyebrows and says, I kid you not. “Rachel, this is serious. His ears do not look good. He has a serious double ear infection.”
Cue me under the table flogging myself

After one doughnut, one lollipop, one thing of popcorn chicken and 1 1/2 hours in Wally Martinez , we had his Augmentin and Motrin.
By 6:30 he was drugged medicated and in bed asleep.

Yes, I feel horrible. But thanks to my fabulous Plurkville buddies, I realize I am not alone. But still, just give me my tin crown and pipe cleaner scepter and I’ll take my place on the porcelain throne as worst most oblivious mom ever.

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  1. Don’t beat yourself up over this. I’m pretty sure almost every mom has done something like this- I know I have. And, those searches? Hilarious.

  2. i’m sure you aren’t a bad mommy…just a bit preoccupied…with plurk…and google search…but no!! you’re not a bad mommy at.all!!

  3. Oh my goodness, I hope he is feeling better! But Rachel, you are not alone—-I would’ve done the same thing!

    As for the google searches—how does one find out how people are finding their site? It’s a burning question that I have been too embarassed to ask (because I am dumb).

    I have to agree with #5—I just never realized that’s how my nipples look after BF’ing three children! Now, I will always think of them this way! Thanks! πŸ˜‰

  4. I hope the ear infection clears up quick. I’m especially alert to them cause Bear has them so much. I think we’re doing tubes this month.

    Funny Google searches!

  5. I have a friend whose children (she has two) have some freaky weird tolerance for ear pain, and by the time they ever say something to her, the infection is BAD in their ears. And they’re almost never running fevers either. Then there’s my daughter who will enter the room bawling her eyes out, sobbing and carrying on, so we rush to the doctor only to find out she’s in the super very beginnings of an infection. LOL

    It doesn’t sound like Monkey was suffering overly much. Glad he’s being treated and is on his way to being well again!!!!

  6. I love Plurk for its ability to bring people together to talk about Phelps’ butt crack and then provide photos of said butt crack. Long live crack. πŸ˜‰

    I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve totally missed an ear infection. Pretty much all of them. What are you going to do, you know?

  7. I would have felt bad too. I was the worst at decoding what my toddlers were trying to tell me.

    Those searches are funny. I’ll have to check my analytics page to see what brings people to my page.

  8. I’m so glad you love Plurk like I do, hon. And, I’m terrified of analytics. It’s too creepy for me to even check.

    He’ll be fine. We’ve all missed illnesses.

  9. Wow! What a tough little guy! My boys were like that too. The only way I would know about an ear infection was if they started to loose their appetite. I’d take their temp and if it was over 100 I knew they had an ear infection. Other than that, they didn’t really complain. But if my kids don’t want to eat you know something is wrong. πŸ˜‰

    So glad he got some meds for it. Tough little Monkey!

  10. I’m so sorry about his ear! Don’t beat yourself up, we all do things like this. Part of being a parent….but I can understand, so is guilt πŸ™ Hope he’s better in no time!

    I am SO addicted to my analytics…Not in a healthy way.

  11. I must not talk about funny stuff..people don’t get to me via google!!

    And, it is oh so easy to ignore the signs/symptoms…they are constantly changing (the kiddos) which makes it hard to figure out.

    I’m sure he won’t ever remember!

  12. Poor kid – hope those meds clear up those ears quickly. But never fear, you are NOT alone. My daughter had bronchitis most all winter once before I finally had that accidentally diagnosed. THAT was worst mom ever.

  13. Oh honey, you are not a bad mommy. If Monkey wasn’t running a fever or really cranky or any of those other signs that come along with sickness, how were you supposed to know? (and yes that was probably a seriously long run on)

    You do a great job with your babies.

  14. My son almost died from a bacterial infection when he was two. Even though we got him to the ER, and 10 days worth of IV antibiotics saved his life, don’t think I didn’t beat myself up over not getting him to the hospital sooner. Mother’s guilt…isn’t it wonderful?

  15. The poor thing! I’ve got 4 kids and believe me I’ve been there and will be there again. That worst mother in the world award sure makes the rounds.

  16. Here’s one for you. We became yelling parents. Can’t you hear us calling you? etc., this went on for a looooong time. Turn that tv down, can’t you hear? The boy could not hear after being tested by a hearing specialist. He had ear plugs surgically inserted. Talk about sucky parents.

  17. Someone once found my blog by searching for Wild Monkey Love, as if there is any other kind. Love analyticals. Yours were hysterical.

    And, you are a great mom. It’s tough to know what they are saying when they are little.

    The other day at the park Bug was telling me that he had to go Poops, but I thought he was telling me that he wanted a pop, as in lolipop. I kept telling him no. Well, you can guess how that turned out. Talk about sucky!

    Thanks for being there, btw!

  18. I feel for the little guy, but I probably would have made the same assumption.

    Isn’t it scary what people search for??? Yet I’ve never had anyone find my blog when searching for nipples. Hmmmm…maybe I need to be more creative when my post titles…

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