Why I Do

Do you ever have one of those days?
You can actually hear the wolf at the door, the click clack of the claws as it edges ever closer, the dank heavy heat of it’s breath as it waits for just the right moment to pounce?
That moment when everything catches up with you and you realize that you’re at the bottom of a hole and your ladder doesn’t reach?
You can actually feel the blackness pulling at your edges like quicksand?
It’s been one of those days around here and I’ve been fighting to keep a smile on my face and not bite the kids’ heads off. Where the urge to crawl into bed, hide from the world, turn off the phone, lock the door and just disappear is almost stronger than the desire to keep going?

I came close today, very close to teetering off the edge of my own strength and giving in to the call of the bed with it’s soft warm comforter and the cool blackness of the room.

And then I picked up Princess from VBS and she bounced into my arms and said:

Mommy, I told my teacher you were the most talented mommy ever because you made my bow for me and you love me and it’s beautiful. And she said that you love me very much and I’m a lucky little girl and I wanna be just like you when I’m a mommy”


And a ray of sunshine broke through the clouds and then Monkey chimed in:

“Yes, my Princess (insert her real name)  my Momma is awesome.  Mom, can we have cake?  I love you because you’re a big mommy and I’m gonna gwow and be big and stwong one day, too.  Just. like. you”

the face in the hat

And just like that, the swirling edges of darkness were chased away by two small but brilliantly vivid rainbows.

They, are why I Do.

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  1. hey I love this story about your kids. They sound really cute! I think they make you really happy by saying all this!
    Wish you guys all the luck!

    [rq=21983,0,blog][/rq]Puppy flushed!

  2. So, so sweet. And true. And hard to keep in perspective at times…like at 6:32 am this morning…and 10:43 this morning…and 3:37 this afternoon and 8:07 when EVERYONE SHOULD BE IN BED OR YOUR MOTHER IS GOING TO HAVE A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.

    I haven’t a clue what you are talking about…ha!
    [rq=25688,0,blog][/rq]Why homeschoolers win spelling bees

  3. Would it be irreverent to say I want to make out with this post and have babies with it? (You know, if I wasn’t already so damn sick of being pregnant. Hee)


    [rq=26703,0,blog][/rq]So, how is it going?

  4. I’m trying very hard to hold onto my “best mommy” place, especially in my daughter’s eyes. She’s nine and I’m just on the precipice of going from beloved mother to meanest mother ever! Sometimes I feel like I disappoint her so much but there’s no way for her to understand that it’s not because I don’t love her it’s because I’m trying to raise her to be a functional, well adjusted, moral, kind and compassionate, loving adult.

    And I think, just maybe, it’s working. The other night, I was in a tizzy over dinner. The meal was not turning out how I’d planned and when we sat down to eat I was bracing myself for complaints. Instead, she tucked in then looked up and said, “thank you for making dinner Mommy!” And not to be left out, her little brother added his thanks as well. Just like that, my worries and frustrations over the meal were gone and we all enjoyed a pleasant time around the table, together.
    .-= Malia´s last blog ..Adventures in CSA-ing =-.

  5. That is just so sweet. Those moments are so precious and remind us why it’s all worth it 🙂
    .-= Momisodes´s last blog ..They’re Here! =-.

  6. I have had so very many days like that. My kids have pulled me through more than they will ever know.
    When I got married the 2nd time, I had the song “Everything I Do (I Do It For You)” by Bryan Adams played, for my kids.
    .-= dysfunctional mom´s last blog ..Things I’m Into Right Now =-.

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