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Confession is good for the soul?

Shhhhh…don’t tell anyone but I have a secret.

A secret that is dark.

A secret that has deep roots.

This secret affects not only myself, but my husband and my kids. This secret could be kept at home. Behind closed doors. Away from inquiring minds.

I could continue the charade. I could continue with the cover-up. The whitewash. The denial.

But I am choosing to lift the rug. I feel comfortable here, away from home, among friends…

*gulp*
*deep cleansing yoga breath*

I suffer from Dinner Preparation Inability Syndrome (D.P.I.S.).

DPIS is a serious condition that is diagnosed by the following symptoms:
1. Waffles for dinner. Regularly.
2. The phone number for EVERY restaurant within 20 mile radius programmed into phone.
3. The take-out menu for EVERY restaurant within 20 mile radius IN THE CAR.
4. Extensive drive-thru experience.
5. Dominos doesn’t even ask for name or address.
6. Family never asks, “What is for dinner?”

I sought treatment for DPIS. I studied cookbooks. I watched the Food Network. I went to one of those dinner preparation places…

I made 12 delicious family meals packaged in individual containers and lovingly squashed into my freezer.

That should help.

That is a step in the right direction.

Yeah for Holly!

A good plan?

No. It made my DPIS worse. I was overwhelmed, paralyzed, FROZEN by the over-abundance of food in my freezer. It had to be put in the fridge for 2 days prior to serving to defrost…

I don’t know what I want to eat in 2 days. Will I be really hungry and need more than one meal? Will my kids like this meal? Will my husband be home in time to eat it?

What DOES the future hold?

Save me from my freezer.

Stop the madness.

I have come to accept my DPIS. Everyone has their limitations. Everyone has their strengths. Dinner preparation is not my strength.

Confession is good for the soul.

Confession doesn’t feed the kids.

Confession doesn’t assure marital bliss.

Confession should really get up and go make dinner.

Confession seems to be all talk and no action…

So, here is the plan. My dear friend Rachel has come to my rescue. I have loved her Monday recipe posts because she seems to pick out things that even I could tackle. She is even coaching me behind the scenes. Sending me secret, even MORE simple recipes that I can try. I am starting slow. Just one or two easy recipes a week…

…because waffle detox can be slow and painful.

Please come visit me at June Cleaver Nirvana where no one expects me to serve them dinner.

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33 Comments

  1. Waffle detox? Where do you come up with this stuff, Holly? You crack me up on your blog now you’re cracking me up on Rachel’s.

    I have a love/hate thing with cooking… never tried those dinner places though!

  2. Oh my LORD I have the same syndrome. Thank you for your confession.

    I just don’t like to cook. My husband does. But he doesn’t get home until 6 and I get home at 3 so it’s left to me to figure out what to do. I just don’t understand why the hell he’s not happy with turkey hot dogs every night. 😉

  3. Holly, running away to another (totally awesome btw) blog to confess your weaknesses is NOT the answer.

    Let’s just relax, eat some pop tarts and pre cooked bacon, and figure out how to turn your oven on, deal?

  4. if someone had told us back in college we would be suffering from a dinnner disorder someday we would have scoffed at them and then skipped off.

    i hate dinner.

  5. I always have multiple things thawing out in my fridge cuz I have the same problem – cuz when the day comes I just don’t *feel* like having pork chops. Oh well…

  6. LOL!! Your post made me laugh, but I probably suffer from that condition myself. Good luck with the waffle detox!!!

  7. I too suffer. And I am slowly learning to deal with my condition. I have learned thru help from those who love me that I must accept what my limitations are and focus my strengths. I am learning day by day….I take things slow….and who knows in a few years I might be able to pull off more than one meal a week…we will see. Until then. Stay strong.

  8. Holly, it’s time to teach the kids to cook. Peanut butter and jelly tastes so much better when made with tiny little hands. And not by me.

  9. Holly, dear, you are my soul mate. My skinny soul mate. I totally “get” you, girl!
    I didn’t realize I had this disorder all of these years. I didn’t realize there was a diagnosis for it!
    Do you know I don’t even BEGIN to contemplate what is going to be for dinner till about 6:45 (PM).
    This does not set well with anyone in the family. Hell, even my dogs are staring me down at 4:45 for dinner (which they don’t get till 6).
    We end up eating around 9–and I tell my family to enjoy the continental meal I’ve provided and pretend they’re in Europe, dammit!
    They don’t get it. By you, I know, do.
    Go on and make your waffles. And make extras, freeze them, and then all you have to do the rest of the week is pop them in your toaster–making meal time that much simpler.
    Now if only I can figure out what’s the best wine to serve with waffles…

  10. Poor Holly! But think how much time is saves for you to blog instead of be making meals!

    Some advice from someone who definitely does not have DPIS: When you try the 2 or 3 SIMPLE recipes a week, if you like them, put them on a menu. You can get a menu built up for 1-4 weeks then REPEAT it and NOT HAVE TO THINK ABOUT IT anymore. Of course in that menu should be the obligatory regular take-out nights and all. (Mine are called on my menu, “Daddy brings home food.” And there are a few “fend for yourself” additions to the menu, too. And you can have as many “waffle nights” (that exciting, like “movie night,” right?) as you want. But if getting dinner on the table isn’t your thing, I suggest a repeatable menu.

    Or just scrap that long paragraph and blog more!

  11. Bless you for bringing this debilitating condition out into the light. I am in treatment for DPIS right now. It involves a book with 365 recipes by Rachel Ray. Marginal results. I expect relapse.

  12. I want to know where those barnyard shaped waffles came from! LOL How fun

    I, too, have been trying to add new meals to our diet lately. We don’t do take-out and whatnot as I just don’t have the budget to support it (oh, how I would love to never have to cook!), but we’ve been in a rut eating the SAME things. I got the Deceptively Delicious cookbook and have been trying out a few of those recipes. Relatively simple and GOOD. My kids give a huge thumbs up so far to the lasagna, the quesadillas, and the broccoli chicken nuggets. Oh, and the carrot french toast.

    Have fun testing out new recipes!

  13. I hear you. I have to plan the entire MONTH out and post it on the fridge or else every night will be a guessing game. A guessing game that usually involves cereal and/or hot dogs. Every Monday is Taco Night, ever Friday is Spaghetti, at least one day is leftovers, etc. We don’t do take out just bc we live in the boonies and everything is too far away.

  14. I have a surefire way to fix this uh..problem. I taught my husband how to cook and then convinced him he LIKED doing it. He actually thinks it relaxes him now…

  15. LOL, Hysterical…waffle detox!
    Actually, quiche is easy & alot like "breakfast for dinner"…My dad used to have a huge giddle that he would heat up on the grill in the summer and make blueberry pancakes for dinner! YUM.
    I actually use my crock pot quite often…Even a frozen roast will cook through if it is in the pot on HIGH by 10am. THAT'S IT!!!
    Plan dinner before noon and you can just blog your way through the early evening.
    Pax, E

  16. Hi, add some protein to your dinner by putting peanut butter on the waffles. That is what my kids eat EVERYDAY for breakfast. I really enjoy your site and funny posts!

  17. Thank you for being brave enough to bring this terrible syndrome out into the open. I too suffer. Half of the contacts listed in my cell phone are for to go and delivery restaurants.

  18. I should not read Holly’s posts while hungry!!

    All the best trying to get over your D.P.I.S.

    Now where is that dang take-out menu…

  19. Tell ya what–I can give you a cooking class while you teach me how to upload video on a blog 😉

  20. Holly, you are the woman! I’m so glad that I’m not the only mom suffering from DPIS out there. And if it makes you feel any better, I managed one of those meal assembly stores and STILL couldn’t manage to get a decent dinner on the table. Sad.

  21. I suffer from the opposite syndrome.

    It’s called Can’t Let Dinner Slide syndrome or CLDS. Why was I making mashed potatoes, pork tenderloin, and salad, along with a dessert for a party tomorrow when it is 85 degrees and I should be studying for an important test?

    I should have served waffles.

  22. MISS HOLLY!!! Here you are!! Um, I should introduce you to my crockpot and the Sonoma diet cookbook. Easy peasy – you’ll be a rock star in no time – promise.

    ((hug)) I also think you’re perfect as you are so….

  23. That is the funniest thing I’ve read all day! I think I’m going to make waffles for dinner, sounds good.

  24. You are hysterical! This is too cute, I’m thrilled to help. Even when it involves secretive e-mails and what not. If you’re really nice I’ll even give you my number and you can call me and I’ll walk you through it 🙂
    Thank you for honoring my blog with your wit and brilliance.
    I’m so sorry that I failed you and didn’t post a Mouthwatering Monday today. So sorry.

  25. OMG I have the SAME disease!!!!! I mean, I do alright on the weekends and if I happen to be home on a weekday, but after being at work all day, I have complete brain-drain and very little time to plan and prepare something decent. So we have a lot of poorly balanced meals for dinner. 🙂

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